Posted in Being Vulnerable

Shame triggers

Let’s voice our shame for a second

I’ll start

One of my deepest fears is

I’m not smart enough.

This derives from many things but let’s say intelligence was worshipped in my house growing up.

My grades mattered so much that we actually got financially rewarded for high marks.

Each A on my report card granted me $5 or $10.

And each B or below granted me shame.

What happened here?

Why aren’t you doing enough?

Your sister got an A, why couldn’t you?

So here I am. 28 and still afraid I may be dumb.

Still afraid you’ll think I’m incapable

So of course I get defensive if you talk to me like I don’t know something.

Because

My smugness and ego you see

is really not me

but a scared little girl hiding behind acting supreme.

Author:

lover of words

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