Overwhelm

The emotion that leaves you doing nothing.

As Brene Brown says in Atlas of the Heart, when she was overwhelmed, she was blown.

And right then, my world made sense.

Overwhelm for me feels like a slow fog rolling in.

I feel it creeping up in the morning as if it’s been waiting on the shores.

And yesterday was one of those days.

Yet I kept working anyway.

I told myself, I can’t take a mental health day every time I feel overwhelmed.

That’s not fair.

So I worked.

And then I cried.

At work.

On a teams call.

Yeah…I turned the camera off.

But damn I hate when overwhelm won’t let me ignore it.

It honestly forces itself outside of my body and onto my face with tears.

And there was nothing I could do to stop it so I let it happen.

I cried.

And I said I was having an emotional day.

And luckily She understood.

But fuck I was embarrassed.

But why?

Why have I been trained to be embarrassed for my emotions?

They are normal.

And crying is actually beneficial in relieving stress.

So what my body forced me to do was good.

But my mind hated it.

And that is something I am realising I desperately need to change.