Let me be honest
It makes me uncomfortable
The high pitched,
And awkward one sided,
How was your day?
It’s just not for me.
The whole interaction feels painful and like a waste of time
And will they remember it?
So please don’t put me on the phone with them.
I called you.
I want you.
I think when I lived in America I was stuck in the mud with my family.
I was so entrenched with their drama and stresses that I couldn’t see how valuable their companionship was to me.
I needed an ocean of separation and a pandemic of time apart to see how much I love them.
I am now in the phase where I deeply miss them.
I miss my dad’s dark humor.
I miss my mom whispering to me as she does her make-up.
I miss my sister laughing at her own jokes.
I miss my brother’s wallet chain slapping against his pants as he walks.
I miss all of these tiny, insignificant details about them.
And I wish that when I lived near them I had told them more often how much I appreciated them.
Because God I really do.
I am so grateful for their love for me and I wish I had seen their humanity more closely when I was younger.
Instead I only saw myself.
And I wasn’t empathetic enough with them.
And I constantly put my foot in my mouth.
But I’ve grown up now and all I want is to see them more.
Because life is too damn short and I don’t want to miss out on their lives.
This month I’ve decided to change it up.
Instead of just running, I’m going to trial 3 different gyms this month to see what classes work for me.
Maybe it’s from the new fall season or the conversation I had with a friend, but I feel inspired.
I’m ready to be pushed and since I’ve always wanted to try crossfit.
So I thought, why not now?
Why not start the same year I go back to visit my family after 3 years of not seeing them?
Why not show them what 30 can look like with some discipline and hard work?
Because I want to look fit.
And I especially want to look like the athlete I believe I am.
So here goes nothing.
As my last trip got cancelled, I’m excited to say I’m finally going to Brisbane for work.
Though as luck would have it, I have the sniffles and I don’t feel 100%.
But I tested multiple times and it’s not the C word so that’s good.
Regardless, I’ve thrown the kitchen sink at it. As rogan would say.
I have taken vitamin c packets, olive leaf, sudafed, ibuprofen and plenty of water.
I’m determined for it to not progress because currently it’s at a manageable level.
And who knows? It could be allergies with all this change in weather in Sydney.
All I know is I can’t cancel my trip again.
It’s too important.
Why do I love it so much when Australian dads call their baby boys, mate, in the shops?
“This way, mate. “
“Stop running, mate.”
I can’t help it. It sounds so precious!
This week is very exciting for me.
I’m officially going on my first work trip!
Three days in Brisbane to meet the head office and people I work with every day.
Honestly, it’s a dream come true for me to be at a company that sees my potential, invests in my education, and who values my input.
I’ve never worked for people who constantly check in with me like my managers do.
I’m use to the sink or swim mentality to be honest.
I’m use to the, just get it done.
The, oh it’s mid year so I guess it’s time to talk about your performance, kind of people.
When in reality, your leaders should be checking in with you regularly and listening to your problems and making sure they’re addressed. Your problems may not be solved, but if they at least try to solve them then that’s a big step in the right direction.
And these managers do that.
So I’m just here floating in gratitude right now because I can’t believe I finally found what I want.
I want this culture.
It feels right.
And I just couldn’t be more happy.
It’s that time again
To feel my skin be marked by you
Letting the freedom ring as you pain me with your needle
Escaping the noise
With my blood dripping down my back
You sit in my memory like a lover
Legs wide open
Pleading for my mouth on yours
And I stand there
Smelling your fragrance
Trying to deny your beauty
But I can’t deny that
I’m empty without you,
So don’t stop teasing me
With your brown luscious liquid, baby.
Because every morning that’s all I look forward to.