Live up to your own expectations.
So I first started running when I was in high school.
I had always hated running as a kid.
The tight chest.
And embarrassingly slow pace.
It was grueling and it made for a very angry little girl in PE class.
But when I became friends with a soccer player named Josh, I was inspired.
Because before every soccer practice he had to run 4 miles (6.4k) as a warm up and at the time I thought that was really far.
And fuck, it still kind of is when you think about it.
So one day out of curiosity and slight ambition, I asked to join Josh on his run.
Mind you, this boy was fast and he could do this run in his sleep, but he was nice enough to go my pace anyway.
Of course, I didn’t run the whole thing on my first go.
I walked and ran it.
But even 12 years later, I remember the day I ran the full 4 miles.
It was sunny and hot and I was feeling the runner’s high.
You know that feeling when your brain is masturbating to endorphins and suddenly you’re on top of the world?
Yeah, it was great!
It was actually fucking magical.
And I remember yelling, “I’m a soccer player!!!” as I crossed the finish line.
Josh laughed and hugged me and I just kept skipping and jumping in the air with excitement, so proud of what I had just achieved.
And from that moment on, I’ve stayed active.
Not only because it’s addicive, but because it is ridiculously rewarding.
And it brings me joy.
That I actually started coaching a group of women how to run this week
And I’ve never been happier.
I feel like I’ve never cared so much
But I have before.
This isn’t the first time
I’ve put my soul into my work
Actually it feels like more than my soul
It feels like my soul’s soul
Is invested in this work too
And I love it
But fuck it’s stressful sometimes
And fuck I’m realising that’s okay
Stress can be okay
Anxiety can be okay
Everyone in my head can be okay
To the point that I’m going to name them, “Kay.”
Now let’s all relax and go for a run, Kay 1 Kay 2 and Kay 3.
What’s it like
And walking into the chimney to breathe?
Does the smoke taste good
With your black cup of coffee?
Or is it the habit that helps you breathe?
I don’t believe in it
It’s too easy
You and I share some objective understanding about life?
I doubt it.
I think this phrase “common sense ” was coined in order to distance “educated” people from “uneducated” people.
Maybe I’m wrong, but it sounds too othering to me to be factual.
To me, “common sense” just sounds like one big assumption that we’re all raised the same and have the same beliefs.
But we weren’t and we don’t.
Though one thing we do like to do as people, is pretend we’re better than some one else.
Because it helps us avoid our own flaws.
So when you say, “common sense isn’t too common.”
What you’re really saying is, “I’m smarter than you and therefore I’m better than you and I feel good about that.”
And I’m not okay with that.
“If you’re not crying once a month, are you even working?”
“If your heart isn’t beating out of your chest from your anxiety, are you even reaching your full potential?”
…month end is so fun.