A bad investment

Coming from a finance oriented family, I see life in dollar values.

As I was raised to.

So when people discuss marriage, I wonder why they also don’t discuss divorce.

The risk of failure is 50%.

We know this.

Yet, families still pay for weddings?

Of course, my dad didn’t because he’s smart, but other dads do.

And I don’t understand why.

Don’t they see their risk of investment is too high?

And we all know they don’t get their money back if the couple gets divorced.

So why pay for it?

I mean, if I had a rich dad I would rather he help pay for a down payment on my house.

That’s actually something that will last.

And yeah, I get it.

The idea of marriage is suppose to be hopeful and romantic, not realistic or logical.

And I know I sound like a jaded woman and maybe I am, but I hope I’m not alone in these thoughts.

Because people should really be thinking about this stuff and not just assuming marriage is some Disney fairytale where life becomes better and all your problems are gone.

I personally find marriage has the ability to amplify your problems if you’re not careful.

So why don’t people talk about it?

So when are you getting married?

I’ve been to only three countries

America

Ireland

Australia

So don’t talk to me about marriage or babies

Talk to me about travel

Tell me about the people in Iceland

Or the food in Germany

Or the love affair you had in Spain.

Talk to me about culture.

Because that’s all I’m interested in.

You me and relief

It’s weird for me

Being in this space of peace

With you.

I act like this evolution is new, but really we’ve been here from the start.

Agreeing on what we wanted from each other.

Maybe not forever, but close.

And of course I battled with my fear of abandonment and rejection our first year, but that’s normal.

And thankfully after that year we’ve been good.

It’s just been,

You want me.

I want you.

So we’re together.

And there’s no games.

Because we’re too honest for that bullshit.

And too German. Lol

But still, even through all the ease of this, I still find myself reflecting on how I never want it to end.

Us is good.

Us plus marriage and babies, well that’s fucking scary.

Because I see the stories around me and they aren’t too successful.

So of course it makes sense why I don’t want those extra things.

Besides the fact they’re completely unnecessary, I am honestly content with how things are and I don’t think people get that.

I don’t want the next big thing.

I just want you.

And that may be a rare concept to grasp, but it’s true.

You’re all I need right now.

I love you, boo.

Phones in bed

I love the way we work

Back to back

Looking at our phones in bed

Yeah, it’s quiet

But it’s my kind of quiet

And surprisingly it’s still quality time

Just quiet quality time

Sleep talking

All I want is us together

No big change

Just us floating side by side

Step by step

No need for a wedding or babies

All we need is us.

A poem for you my love

I’m growing with you.

Stretching my arms

to embrace the horizon

within you.

Because the light I see

in you

is greater

than the shadows I see

in me.

Why do we feel we need to sell ourselves in order to be loved?

“Hi, my name is Brian and I love traveling the world, playing soccer and hunting.”

We list our hobbies hoping for a match. We think if we have many, we are more interesting, but if we have one then we must be a master of it.

The extreme nature of trying to stand out is honestly more interesting to me than the actual connections themselves. The whole study behind the scenes of who is in it for love, sex or boredom is what keeps me engaged.

The swiping isn’t the fun bit.

The inventory of psychological trauma is.

-B.

Shitty rhymes

I’ve never had a love

That brings me to tears

I truly believe you come from above

Since before you, all I had were fears

Now that my heart is open

All I am is hopin

You never leave

Sometimes the voices are funny

He’s the best.

Remember the small moments.