Posted in Being Vulnerable

This is my safe place…anxiety attack

I don’t know why my anxiety is so bad today. I just feel so overwhelmed and like I can’t cope. I feel like crying alot. I feel restless. I feel just on the verge. Like I’m trying everything I can do to be healthy and do the right thing and it’s so hard. These feelings are so hard. Choosing not to numb myself is so hard.

Posted in My Poetry

2 am thoughts

I woke up to the flame

The fire dancing between your fingers

You giggled as I stared

Scared you would burn

But you never did

You and him

Always knew how to play between the lines

How to push boundaries

Face fears

You both laughed in the face of danger

Ha

Ha

Ha

But I never did

Instead, I was your Zazu.

Scared of getting caught

Scared of getting burned

I toed the line

Until one day the line burred

And I became the flame

Posted in Living in Australia

Goodr

So the shopping is still going on.

I bought new running sunnies.

Don’t worry! Leggings are still an obsession.

But these new sun glasses were the next needed buy.

Goodr is seen on alot of ultra runners, including Courtney Dauwalter, who is kind of my hero. And obviously if she’s wearing them, I need them too. Yes, I am that easily influenced. But honestly, they’re worth it. The colors are bright and fun and make running even more enjoyable. I know caring about fashion while running sounds stupid, but it actually does bring more joy to my life when I wear a cute outfit while exercising. Also, being comfortable while uncomfortable is really important. Running long distances isn’t easy so why make it harder by wearing shitty sunglasses that slip all the time?

Might as well do the research, see what the professionals are wearing and see if those brands are worth investing in.

So I did.

And I love them!

Posted in Being Vulnerable

Joe Rogan podcast

“I let my trauma time travel.” – Jason Wilson

This episode has me feeling all the feels. Grown men, fathers, talking about their vulnerabilities always gets me teary. He told Joe, “Don’t let your trauma time travel.”

And don’t I know I do that. I not only let it time travel. I let it brood and take pieces of me. I drag it around with me like an anchor, yet never let it down when I get to shore. There is no shore. I just sail in circles brooding and shaking with anger.

But here is this grown man who has experienced a thousand more times the trauma than I have telling Joe to let it go.

It doesn’t serve you.

Stop bleeding and go get healed.

Life is more than just our pain.