I don’t know why my anxiety is so bad today. I just feel so overwhelmed and like I can’t cope. I feel like crying alot. I feel restless. I feel just on the verge. Like I’m trying everything I can do to be healthy and do the right thing and it’s so hard. These feelings are so hard. Choosing not to numb myself is so hard.
At a job longer than two years.
I’ve never done it.
I keep chasing greener grass.
I get bored or the team changes or the culture disintegrates or I believe they’re holding me back
I always find a reason.
I give it my all the first six months truly
And then something happens.
Either it’s the team, the company or me
And then I bounce
I get antsy man.
And I try to understand people who stay.
People who have created a family there but I can’t seem to wrap my mind around it.
I love the idea of family at work
But I also love the idea of career progression and being well paid.
And being challenged.
Maybe it’s my father in me.
He always did bounce around jobs in his twenties.
Chasing that dollar.
And there’s nothing wrong with that.
I have goals man.
I want a house.
I want tattoos.
I want to travel.
So I keep swiping and scrolling for that next job.
That next high.
Because I ain’t comfortable yet.