Posted in Relationships

My current thoughts on marriage

It’s very American to want to get married, I discovered.

Being in Australia the past few years I’ve come to realize the pressure here isn’t so high. The culture is less religious and the people are more relaxed. Many people here have babies before weddings and no one cares about the order. No one frets or fusses. They just live.

If they get married eventually, cool, but it’s not a big deal and I love that about Australia.

Because, for me, I don’t believe marriage serves a purpose. I find the idea very archaic and misogynistic. I don’t want to change my name or hope upon all hopes that he proposes just right. Or that he asks my dad for permission? Ew. Or that my dad walks me down the aisle? Double Ew.

All I see when I hear the word “marriage” is a trap. One big fat trap.

And why do we need to bring our relationship to the next level? Why do we think marriage is more serious than dating? Who decided this? Can’t we just move in together and be happily ever after? Can’t we just get a dog and call it good? Who needs a ring and a promise of forever? That’s fairytale shit.

I don’t need forever. I just need right now. Do you choose to love me today? Cool. That’s all I need. I just need today’s love. I don’t need tomorrow’s love. I don’t need reassurance that you’ll always be there because I’m not naive to think that we can promise always.

There is no always.

There is just now.

Right now I choose you.

And that’s all we can do.

Posted in Living in Australia

Falling with style

If you know where I got my title, tell me. I’d like to unite with some old school Disney kids.

So I fell today.

Just a little curb trip during my run. Nothing crazy. I did sit there for a bit on the pavement chuckling to myself. I do that when I’m in pain. I googled it, laughing is some kind of defense mechanism I guess. It works for me.

Anyways, I was really grateful though that when I tripped a cyclist saw me and stopped to check on me. He was a typical Aussie grandpa. Very sweet, very calm and just asking me questions. “Did you break anything? Just breathe. Don’t move right away. Is your elbow okay?”

And the whole time I was just laughing with embarrassment and thinking, “what a kind soul.”

After a couple minutes I was fine though and I told him, “Thank you for stopping. I gotta keep running now. ” and so he left and I continued on my way, but in all honesty, he made my day.

Posted in Being Vulnerable

Dating me

I imagine dating me is like constantly changing lanes on the highway while watching a car crash.

I’m a zero to one hundred kind of gal.

What can I say?

Posted in Being Vulnerable

Journal 19

It slides down like butter

Hot

And

Burning.

And there come the goosebumps

The heavy breathing

The release

All I want is to not regret it

The taste of you

Hot Cheetos

Was worth this painful poo