Posted in Being Vulnerable

Accept the wins

I’m proud I logged back into work and caught up on some emails for 2 hrs.
Totally procrastinated all day. Did other stuff all day but got it done.
Did stuff such as:
Cleaned the kitchen and bathroom.
Made coffees.
Took laundry down.

Put my clothes away.
Reorganized my closet and put my summer clothes in and winter out.
Meditated outside.
Had a long conversation about our future house with Josh.
Cooked myself brekky and lunch.
Went running.
Journaled.
Went through the weekly receipts with Josh and paid my bills.

And while doing that I did drink gin and tonic and beer and over eat some chicken and potato Josh made.
Not for any emotional reason.
Not because I was being impulsive.
I just love his cooking and I decided to say yes.
I know I’ll be bloated tomorrow.
And that’s okay.
I accept that.

Posted in My Poetry

Dear dad

My feelings about you seem to waiver between resentment and gratitude

And I don’t know how to live between the two

So today I am choosing gratitude.

I’m choosing to see the best in you

Even when I know you will never change.

I’m choosing to see the best in you

Even when I know you don’t see the best in me.

I’m choosing to see the best in you

Because I’m tired of judging you.

You have your demons

And I have mine.

But today I choose to see your wings.

Because you have never left me

And have always told me you love me

Even if your actions didn’t show it.

At least I heard it.

Because many women I know haven’t.

So I’m grateful for that.

For your love and your choice to stay,

Mr. Ray.

Posted in My Poetry

2 am thoughts

I woke up to the flame

The fire dancing between your fingers

You giggled as I stared

Scared you would burn

But you never did

You and him

Always knew how to play between the lines

How to push boundaries

Face fears

You both laughed in the face of danger

Ha

Ha

Ha

But I never did

Instead, I was your Zazu.

Scared of getting caught

Scared of getting burned

I toed the line

Until one day the line burred

And I became the flame

Posted in Being Vulnerable

Bless and block

From the great words of Glennon Doyle, “Bless and block, baby. Bless and block. “

When dealing with haters or toxic relationships just remember you are in control of your island. You choose who you let the drawbridge down for.

Posted in Being Vulnerable

I make dark jokes

I get it from my dad

We always did have the same sense of humor

My sister does it too actually

She once laughed when telling me someone died

She couldn’t help herself

She was nervous

It just spilled out

And I understood

We don’t deal with tragedy like most

We cope through humor

Instead of tears

And I love that about us

And I love that about him

Because I know of the pain he’s gone through

Even though he won’t tell me

Because I can hear it

When his laugh tells me

Posted in Being Vulnerable

It’s my birthday

So I stayed up for my birthday last night.

Watching love is blind.

Ya I had to know who lasted till the end, man.

So happy for Cameron and Lauren!

No spoilers because this was season one.

Anyways, it’s my birthday.

I’m 28 and cannot wait!

I love a birthday, mate!

And Australia is my fate.

So I’mma fucking celebrate

On this date

Even if I’m late.