Posted in Being Vulnerable

Shame triggers

Let’s voice our shame for a second

I’ll start

One of my deepest fears is

I’m not smart enough.

This derives from many things but let’s say intelligence was worshipped in my house growing up.

My grades mattered so much that we actually got financially rewarded for high marks.

Each A on my report card granted me $5 or $10.

And each B or below granted me shame.

What happened here?

Why aren’t you doing enough?

Your sister got an A, why couldn’t you?

So here I am. 28 and still afraid I may be dumb.

Still afraid you’ll think I’m incapable

So of course I get defensive if you talk to me like I don’t know something.

Because

My smugness and ego you see

is really not me

but a scared little girl hiding behind acting supreme.

Posted in My Poetry

2 am thoughts

I woke up to the flame

The fire dancing between your fingers

You giggled as I stared

Scared you would burn

But you never did

You and him

Always knew how to play between the lines

How to push boundaries

Face fears

You both laughed in the face of danger

Ha

Ha

Ha

But I never did

Instead, I was your Zazu.

Scared of getting caught

Scared of getting burned

I toed the line

Until one day the line burred

And I became the flame