Posted in Being Vulnerable

Bless and block

From the great words of Glennon Doyle, “Bless and block, baby. Bless and block. “

When dealing with haters or toxic relationships just remember you are in control of your island. You choose who you let the drawbridge down for.

Posted in Being Vulnerable

Joe Rogan podcast

“I let my trauma time travel.” – Jason Wilson

This episode has me feeling all the feels. Grown men, fathers, talking about their vulnerabilities always gets me teary. He told Joe, “Don’t let your trauma time travel.”

And don’t I know I do that. I not only let it time travel. I let it brood and take pieces of me. I drag it around with me like an anchor, yet never let it down when I get to shore. There is no shore. I just sail in circles brooding and shaking with anger.

But here is this grown man who has experienced a thousand more times the trauma than I have telling Joe to let it go.

It doesn’t serve you.

Stop bleeding and go get healed.

Life is more than just our pain.

Posted in Being Vulnerable

I make dark jokes

I get it from my dad

We always did have the same sense of humor

My sister does it too actually

She once laughed when telling me someone died

She couldn’t help herself

She was nervous

It just spilled out

And I understood

We don’t deal with tragedy like most

We cope through humor

Instead of tears

And I love that about us

And I love that about him

Because I know of the pain he’s gone through

Even though he won’t tell me

Because I can hear it

When his laugh tells me

Posted in Being Vulnerable

Journal 16

Just got this card in the mail.

He apologized for disowning me.

He’s never apologized to me before.

This is a first.

He always use to say I love you instead of I’m sorry.

They’re not the same.

And I’m glad he sees that now.

Thanks dad.

Posted in Being Vulnerable

Journal 10

So I’ve been called a sadist.

But I’d like to describe it more as

A controllist.

I like to believe I have the upper hand.

But what this person doesn’t know

Is this is my wall talking.

He doesn’t know I’m full of shit

He doesn’t see me crumble

in therapy

Or cry with joy from being loved for three years by the most forgiving man I’ve ever met.

He doesn’t know me.

He tried to pull that perceptive card,

But I’ve met his like before.

Confident on the outside

Insecure on the inside.

Like all of us.

So don’t tell me, you can read me.

Because I know you’re no fly on the wall.

You’re just like every other psychology cock sucker thinking you’re the next Freud.

So bye boy.

Posted in Being Vulnerable

Journal 5

I like to be naked.

So Fuck Adam and Eve

For their punishment.

I want to be free

And forget lent.

Life is about honesty

Commitment to choice.

Not living in serenity

Forgetting the noise.