Posted in Being Vulnerable

Perfect isn’t pretty

I feel as I get older I start to resonate more and more with my mom’s wise words, “looks don’t last forever”.

Yes, I was a shallow kid. Like most university students, I wanted to date the hottest guys. And I remember drooling over one guy and my mom gently reminding me, “it won’t be like that forever.”

And at the time I thought she was just talking about his body, but what I’ve come to realize is she was talking about all bodies.

Our bodies change.

We get older and they transform.

And this is usually met with denial and resistance, but maybe it doesn’t have to be.

Maybe perfect isn’t pretty.

What if what’s actually pretty is people’s “flaws”.

Because aren’t our flaws what bring us together and say, me too?

-B.

Posted in Being Vulnerable

Lost Connections- Johann Hari

Thank you, Johann, for validating my experience through your research and brilliant journalism.

My anxiety and depression is not due to a chemical imbalance or a vitamin deficiency and after many years of therapy, I finally know this to be true.

But to be honest, reading Johann also explain this truth through science just makes my heart sing.

I am not alone.

Posted in Being Vulnerable

All I remember

Was you in pain

I’d wake up to the sound of him screaming at you

Then you crying and pleading

Yet staying

I remember the vomiting

The headaches

The bleeding

The fake smiling

All I remember is your pain

And then she died

And I remember the last sparkle of joy

Leave your eyes

Then I watched as the depression

consumed you

And every day I wanted to save you

Heal you

Protect you

But you were told to stay

She told you that’s what god would want

So you did

And once you made that final choice

I knew I had to separate from you

I couldn’t save you

And that broken every piece of my heart because I love you

And I want to see the joy in your eyes again

But I realize now that is not my role to play

So I could not stay.

-B.

Posted in Being Vulnerable

Therapy 18.10

Why do you think he’s with you?

Me listing my reasons…

Silence…

Therapist: You forgot to mention because he loves you.

Me: Laughs awkwardly…and then realizes why…

I have never felt a love like his and am so overwhelmed and in disbelief by it that I try to avoid it.

Who would love me, I think?

A girl with so much baggage.

He would, she says.

He would.

Posted in Being Vulnerable

Anxiety and depression

You wouldn’t know this by meeting me, but I struggle with anxiety and depression.

Funny, that statement, huh.

Like mental ill health has a look.

But so many assume it does.

They think, are you Eeyore or Tigger today?

Well, I’m neither and both.

And isn’t that confusing?

But the world is confusing!

That’s the thing.

We are not living in some binary world.

Our world and our feelings are perplex and alot of time paradoxical.

We can be both things at once.

We don’t have to choose sides.

And we don’t have to fit in a box.

We can feel everything and nothing and still be “normal”.

-B.