Posted in Living in Australia

A little reflection on my career

So I majored in Finance, right?

But did I know what I wanted to do with that?

No.

I just chose Finance as a fuck you to my dad because he wanted me to do Accounting.

And I hated my Accounting classes.

Let’s be honest, no one likes accounting classes.

They’re full of dry words and jokes about balance.

So I chose Finance.

It wasn’t easy, but it wasn’t miserable either.

And while I was studying I was also working on a hedge fund team for a major bank, so I thought this ain’t too bad right?

Until I realised after two years I was stressed, depressed and full of rage because my job was killing me from the inside.

But that’s the industry, right?

So suck it up, buttercup.

Yeah, nah.

So I moved across the country to another hedge fund team.

Now, that team I truly loved.

That team taught me everything and were also the first people who truly believed in me.

But then the company offshored my job two years later and again I was depressed and full of panic attacks.

So I jumped to another bank.

But this time not on a hedge fund team, but a treasury team.

This role was odd to say the least.

They hired me with no direction and left me to my own devices.

So what did I do?

I wrote letters to my pen pal.

For a year I got overpaid to do nothing.

But for the first time I wasn’t stressed or depressed, instead I was bored.

Very bored.

Next, I made a big leap and moved across the world to be with my pen pal.

I didn’t know where I would work or what I would do. I just knew what I didn’t want to do.

Now, three years later I have an inkling of what I may want to do only through multiple trials and errors.

And I’m realising this shit is hard.

This whole career thing.

I’m constantly curious and anxious about everything.

I want to know how everything works, but then I get too overwhelmed to start.

And unfortunately, this world doesn’t give you too many do overs.

At some point, I need to choose.

But at the same time I regret nothing.

My journey has been interesting and full of beautiful people who have changed my life so I thank the universe for all of it.

Even if it hasn’t been niche.

Posted in Being Vulnerable

I don’t know how to stay

At a job longer than two years.

I’ve never done it.

I keep chasing greener grass.

I get bored or the team changes or the culture disintegrates or I believe they’re holding me back

I always find a reason.

I give it my all the first six months truly

And then something happens.

Something changes

Either it’s the team, the company or me

And then I bounce

I get antsy man.

And I try to understand people who stay.

People who have created a family there but I can’t seem to wrap my mind around it.

I love the idea of family at work

But I also love the idea of career progression and being well paid.

And being challenged.

Maybe it’s my father in me.

He always did bounce around jobs in his twenties.

Chasing that dollar.

And there’s nothing wrong with that.

I have goals man.

I want a house.

I want tattoos.

I want to travel.

So I keep swiping and scrolling for that next job.

That next high.

Because I ain’t comfortable yet.