Posted in Being Vulnerable

Accept the wins

I’m proud I logged back into work and caught up on some emails for 2 hrs.
Totally procrastinated all day. Did other stuff all day but got it done.
Did stuff such as:
Cleaned the kitchen and bathroom.
Made coffees.
Took laundry down.

Put my clothes away.
Reorganized my closet and put my summer clothes in and winter out.
Meditated outside.
Had a long conversation about our future house with Josh.
Cooked myself brekky and lunch.
Went running.
Journaled.
Went through the weekly receipts with Josh and paid my bills.

And while doing that I did drink gin and tonic and beer and over eat some chicken and potato Josh made.
Not for any emotional reason.
Not because I was being impulsive.
I just love his cooking and I decided to say yes.
I know I’ll be bloated tomorrow.
And that’s okay.
I accept that.

Posted in Being Vulnerable

Insecure

Why are we more insecure about our bodies than our hearts?

Where’s your heart at?

Is your love for others greater than yourself?

Have you sought to help someone else today?

Where’s your heart at?

Posted in Living in Australia

Weight update

I’d like the record to show I am now at 73 kilos.

I started this weight journey at 79 kilos on May 30th and now I stand 6 kilos lighter two months later.

And I’m really proud of myself.

Cheers to me ❤

Posted in Living in Australia

Noom

Hey there,

Just here to say I’m still tracking my food, weight and exercise.

I actually don’t find it tedious. Surprisingly I find it quite easy, but I have always been fortunate with the ability to pick up habits quickly. However that fortune doesn’t show up in the long game as I am pretty terrible at finishing goals. But I think this time will be different. With all the chaos of covid in Sydney right now, this measly sense of control with my fitness journey feels good. Not only good, but safe. I feel safe when I see myself sticking to a goal and being in control. Obviously it’s not some linear graph of perfection. My weight has gone up and down as I’ve been tracking it, but I’ve learned that is to be expected.

I’ve also learned what one of my triggers are that make me over eat. It’s alcohol. I mean, I’m sure that’s obvious to you as it is most people’s trigger because who says no to a gin and tonic? Or a margarita? or a whiskey and coke? Or whatever else is nearby? I’m in a fucking lock down for Christ’s sake. I need a distraction. So yes, the alcohol speaks to me and tells me to eat that bag of chips or that McDonald’s soft serve ice cream or that big ball of cheese in the fridge. It has no qualms with what gets shoved in my face. Honestly it’s insane who I become when I have a drop of liquor. I might as well be called Shrek or Big Foot or Thomas the tank engine. My appetite literally becomes a behemoth I barely can control.

So that’s alarming. I’ve come to realize.

But it’s manageable.

I can simply choose not to drink.

Which I’m lucky is easy for me.

Or I can practice telling the alcohol/venom voice to shut the duck up.

Either way, I’m growing right?

And yes, I said duck instead of fuck.

Love you.

K. Bye.

Posted in Living in Australia

Eat the world

When I drink

I’ve noticed my brain flips a switch.

It goes from sweet, controlled me

To watch your fingers and toes because I’m about to eat the world.

And then in the morning I some how wake up with a sour patch kid in my mouth and headache in my eyes wondering, where did the night go?

Yet I take hope in these moments

Because I know life is full of second third and fourth tries

And with every late night regret there is always a morning reflection such as this to wake me from my funk and try again

So here’s to today

Of being less dramatic

And more free