I’m not insane
I know what burn out looks like
It is stress on steroids.
Hence the addiction.
But I don’t use the needle anymore.
Through pain of course.
But eventually, I learned
That my worth is not wrapped up
In my productivity.
Because it is already innately wrapped up in me.
I had to make life hard for you
Because I didn’t want you to grow up in the trap that life is deserved not earned.
So I pushed you.
And tore you down just enough that you would constantly feel insecure
Then I would compete with you
And award you.
And what did you grow to become?
A secret narcissist.
Better known as an insecure perfectionist.
You’d have tantrums over losing your spelling book for fear of failing your test.
You’d scream if your hair wasn’t straight.
You’d cry if your sister beat you at games.
But you got straight A’s, didn’t you?
And I’m so proud of you.
This week is very exciting for me.
I’m officially going on my first work trip!
Three days in Brisbane to meet the head office and people I work with every day.
Honestly, it’s a dream come true for me to be at a company that sees my potential, invests in my education, and who values my input.
I’ve never worked for people who constantly check in with me like my managers do.
I’m use to the sink or swim mentality to be honest.
I’m use to the, just get it done.
The, oh it’s mid year so I guess it’s time to talk about your performance, kind of people.
When in reality, your leaders should be checking in with you regularly and listening to your problems and making sure they’re addressed. Your problems may not be solved, but if they at least try to solve them then that’s a big step in the right direction.
And these managers do that.
So I’m just here floating in gratitude right now because I can’t believe I finally found what I want.
I want this culture.
It feels right.
And I just couldn’t be more happy.