Recently I had a big reaction over a burnt almond croissant.
The reaction went from disappointment to rage to grief to tears to seeking justice within 30 minutes.
It was alot to witness and alot to endure.
I still stand by my feelings that the croissant was burnt and did not meet my croissant high expectations.
But, I did nothing about it.
Because I’m ashamed by the idea of causing a public scene and because I wanted to rise above.
But deep down, I was crushed.
And also tired as I stayed up late the night before.
The whole drama though still sits with me because I know where those feelings were coming from.
They come from my need to seek perfection.
Which is what I’ve always done.
So when I’m faced with things or people or events that are below my standard of perfect, I tend to want to have a bitch fit.
Do I though?
But this time felt different.
This time I felt safe to express my deep dissatisfaction without being scared of seeming like a chronic complainer, which I loathe the idea of becoming.
Because I was with you.
I normally never complain because I was raised not to, but with you in this almond croissant fiasco I felt safe to be me.
The scared little girl who just wants to control everything so she doesn’t have to feel anything.
That was me in that moment.
And you held me in that same moment and said it’s okay to cry, I got you.